Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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