just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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