is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
