I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
