i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
