tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
