I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
