Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
