I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
