They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
