I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
