One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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