ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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