I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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