I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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