Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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