Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
