How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
