Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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