His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
