today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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