You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
