I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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