it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
