I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
