so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
