there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
