i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
