pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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