Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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