She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
