I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
