All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
