Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
