Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
