I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He shit in the fireplace
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
