People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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