You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
