The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
