I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
