this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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