Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
