You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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