i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
