I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
