i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude i'm inner monologue high
it hurts more in the daytime
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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