6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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