you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We are two peas in an std pod
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
