It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
