3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
